Do you hear it? The countdown is on! Holy hell. I'm ready, but I'm not ready, but I'm SO ready. Makes sense, right?

Everything is done as far as the ceremony goes (well, I still need to pack, but I'm getting there). Josh is going do divvy up the "Not Dancing" music accordingly on the drive down. Both the arrival and the post-ceremony playlist are going to be shuffled so I really don't even care about that part. Lord knows we have enough music to work with. 

I work today and tomorrow, and then I'm off Thursday as I prefer to be on travel day. I need those last few hours to prepare myself, triple-check the packing lists (especially for this trip...I don't think Mouse Gears sells wedding dresses so let's not forget that!), and hopefully relax a bit before the drive. The more we go, the less I dread the drive. May was the easiest trip by far. I'm really hoping this one will go smoothly.

I already miss Odie and we haven't left yet. He was so snuggly last night and it just breaks my heart to leave him. I am beyond happy that he is coming to the reception and staying the two nights with us in Middleboro. I couldn't bear to leave him for just over a week and then another 3 days on top of that! I think that's part of the reason why I haven't packed yet. One, I know if I pack too early I will question everything in my suitcase and have to unpack it, check the contents against my list, and then re-pack it. Two, once Odie sees the suitcases come out he KNOWS. And last night I just couldn't handle the sad eyes. So we snuggled instead. I have zero regrets.

I feel like although I am physically at work, I am so mentally checked out that I'm just shy of useless. I hope they understand this is a temporary affliction. I should be back up and fully functioning in time for our new fiscal year in November.

That being said, I'm going to go do some actual work. See you in Florida!

<3 Amanda :)

A little spin on the proverb, but there are definitely things in life that are unassuming on the outside, but pure gold on the inside. 

This is not really a reference to any one thing in particular, but I am trying lately to dig for gold everywhere I go. I was feeling unreasonably sad earlier today, for no discernable reason. I thought it was going to be one of those days and I had just resigned myself to it. BUT, my coworkers have not only snapped me out of it, they have completely turned my day around. They don't even realize it, because I don't let on when I'm feeling one way or another, but I appreciate it just the same. This store, on paper, is pure chaos. I never would have chosen to work in this location. In reality, I couldn't be happier that I got "stuck" here. We already know not to judge a book by it's cover, but you also can't judge an individual page. In a world and a life with so many moving parts, everything around us is temporary. We ourselves are the constant. I am learning to speed-read the pages I don't like as much, and linger on the pages that really speak to me.

Not a thing about the wedding today, just that thought I felt like sharing.

<3 Amanda :)

Holy hell. Two weeks until we leave for Florida. I already need a vacation from this vacation. Thankfully I've got some PTO to burn and November/December is looking like a mighty fine time to use some of it. 

It has been a trying week, it really does feel like I'm stitched together with a smile but I'm coming undone. (So much so that I'm quoting a hundred-year old Taylor Swift song). No wedding would be complete without a little family drama, and just when I thought ours was the exception I have been proven wrong. No dirty laundry on the blog, but I really hope these people pull it together so we can have a happy OHANA celebration (Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind!)

Zumba has been a saving grace in the past few weeks, and my Maracas are holding Sundays down with me; taking the playlist off my hands when my brain just can't function, and always cheering me on even when I had to improvise half of a song that I REALLY do know! (Just not last week). Love, love, LOVE my Zumba family. Thank you all. If you are reading this, you are the glue to my thousand tiny pieces.

I Can. Not. Wait. until after the wedding when I can focus more on learning new choreo, there are so many(!!!) fabulous songs out there but I have forced myself to put them on the back burner for now so I can handle the more time-sensitive stuff first. Although I did go to a jam session last week and have three hot new choreos to bring to class. Get ready for it, people.

Work has been pretty good. The team in Providence is fantastic, they have accepted me right into their family and I am really enjoying my time there. The commute has been rough for the past couple days because the rain is causing HORRENDOUS traffic. Today took an hour when it is normally 20-25 minutes. I have been late two days in a row and it is embarrassing but they really just don't even care...they understand the situation and they're always like, just get here when you can.

I have gotten to the point wedding planning where I just want it to be here. Primarily so we can enjoy the hell out of an epic week, but also so that it can just be over and I can stop planning/stressing. I'm also now just flinging money around, so if you ever wanted to borrow any, now's the time to ask! ;) Haha. I'm kidding, please don't.

I think that's all I've got in me today. Hasta la vista.

<3 Amanda :)

Guys, in THREE WEEKS we will be in Florida preparing for our ceremony. How this day got here so quickly is beyond me. I remember when we were like, oh, we're two years out, we've got nothing but time...

Now we're putting a couple of finishing touches on things (like I FINALLY got a rehearsal dress yesterday thanks to a good friend who volunteered to shop with me) and at this point I'm ready. I'm ready to marry my best friend, I'm ready to celebrate with our families, and I'm sooooo ready to be done planning all of this.

Thanks to everyone who has submitted their RSVPs. We really appreciate it! We're down to only a few stragglers and honestly I'll probably take some informed guesses. How you would want to miss out homemade barbecue and a chocolate fountain is beyond me, but WHATEVER. ;)

I'll keep the Zumba talk to a dull roar, but I will say that it has been keeping me sane and happy through this final rush of preparation. I am teaching tonight, Sunday, and Monday, and I can't wait! Plus I have a jam session Saturday so I'll get to learn some fresh new choreo…something I've been slacking on lately (even if I had the time my brain can't focus enough to retain anything). Is wedding brain a thing?!?

Work has been surprisingly good. I had a rough couple weeks thanks to some personal issues (mental health is important people!) and also the untimely passing of our sweet girl Lucy. She left a hole in our house and life is just not the same. My coworkers have helped distract me, whether they realize it or not, and even customers have been helpful. One lady, a complete stranger, said she just felt like she needed to hug me and I almost started to cry. It was exactly what I needed right then. Everything happens for a reason, I suppose.

On that note, I'm off for a day of slightly distracted work as I count down the hours to Zumba…

<3 Amanda :)

For a while I was posting weekly updates, but I've completely fallen off the wagon. The good news is, you're not missing much in the way of wedding news. We're down to odds and ends (heavy on the odds), and besides, the more I tell you now, the less you get to be surprised by at the reception.

Zumba has been going well, but that's literally all I talk about in real life so if you know me at all, you already know that. :)

Work is work. Nothing exciting to report there.

I am getting excited for Florida, especially since we have a bunch of fastpasses booked (including Avatar Flight of Passage!!!) and that means we are starting to make a plan for the week. 

What I really need is for y'all to get your RSVPs in. Like, NOW. I know we've got almost 2 months to go, but I think at this point you have decided whether or not you are going. So we'd REALLY appreciate it if you let us in on your decision. The longer you put it off, the more likely you are to forget, and then we have to track you down and believe me, we're busy enough already.

Okay, I'm off to snuggle the pup for a bit. It's raining and thundering outside and he likes to watch out the window. Hasta la vista, babies!

<3 Amanda :)

DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T

Anyway, I swear I have not forgotten about you all and your unquenchable desire to read my blog. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Okay, so I'm fooling myself a bit thinking that anyone is reading this. Apparently even in this digital age no one visits wedding websites anymore. Especially when the URL is as long and ridiculous as ours is. I promise to post a link on facebook soon so we will be one short click away!

That all said, I have been riding a productivity rollercoaster for the last couple of months. I am currently at the bottom of the hill searching for a chain to click clack cluck me to the top of another hill. All the while our deadline (that sounds terrible, I'm going to call it a lifeline instead) is fast approaching and this reception is happening whether all my DIYs are ready or not.

All the big pieces are in place and mostly paid for. Invitations go out TOMORROW(!!!) and I am counting on all you people to get your RSVPs back to me in a timely manner. Pretty please with a cherry on top (unless you don't like cherries, then pretty please with a puppy on top).

I was supposed to braid this week and for the first time in a LONG time, I am bowing out in favor of having a moment to breathe, clean our poor apartment (it's really taking the back burner lately), and make a little bit of headway on the next round of projects. I hope this is the right decision and I don't upset my clients, but at least I know they will be in good hands with the horse show braiders and I can maybe trade a few panic attacks for a few hours of sleep.

Zumba has been the driving force in my life lately. I am officially a staff member at the Studios now, which is one of my life's greatest achievements (no, I'm not kidding). My first official class (well, OUR class…I am co-teaching with three other beautiful ladies) is this afternoon, and I could not be more excited. I am also subbing some classes the last week of July when most of the instructors are away at Convention. I have been working a lot on creating and learning choreo, managing playlists, and practicing cueing. This weekend I am taking Pro Skills and that will help a lot with the latter, so I am looking forward to everything I can take away from that class.

Work has been…interesting. I accepted a position as a floater, so I cover all of RI now depending on which store needs help at what time. It is a learning curve for both me and my manager since this is a brand new position that the company is testing out. So far I am enjoying the challenge and the ever-changing scenery; hopefully I can hold onto this for a little while so I can work on some other stuff like going back to school (ideally starting in January).

Okay, that's enough catching up for now. Back to reviewing choreo for this afternoon so I can rely on muscle memory and let the music take me away….

<3 Amanda :)

P.S. I DON'T KNOW WHAT ALL THE LITTLE RNs ARE ABOUT. Sorry.

This has been one of the most trying weeks that I have had in a long time. I am completely overwhelmed with the six thousand things that seem to constantly appear on my to do list, whether it be for work, the wedding, Zumba, or just life in general. When even Zumba starts to stress me out I know I need a vacation. Fortunately, I have one coming up in a couple weeks when we go to Disney. UNfortunately, that is stressing me out too. I have started to categorize things as "do before vacation" and "do after vacation." This would be great if I could actually get the things done, but nothing is more counterproductive than anxiety. Some days it is a feat that I show up to work and survive the day. On Thursday I barely even did that, since I started my day with a total meltdown and took hours to recover.

I have tried meditation, and obviously exercise has been a wonderful outlet for me, but I have been working so much on choreo lately that I am driving myself insane. I also miss the other workouts that I used to do…the YouTube videos with Jessica Smith and Rebecca Louise. I miss doing strength days and stretch days, I have this online yoga membership that I got a great deal on and wish I used more. I'm supposed to be doing my physical therapy exercises at home and I really haven't been. THERE IS JUST NOT ENOUGH TIME.

I had bought a new planner a few weeks ago to replace the one I drowned, but now I think I may just stay the course with the wrinkly pages because the task of switching my entire year over just for the sake of neatness gives me angina. Sometimes I think that I am doing something for a good reason but I end up just making more work for myself. Along those lines I am at a point with the wedding where I am trimming out anything that is not totally necessary. I am trying to be realistic over idealistic and let go of my need for perfection. It is not easy.

Days like today when it is slow at work and I have so much on my mind, it is so hard not to go crazy because I think of all the things I could be doing instead of just trying to pass the time until 2:15. Maybe I'll try to make a plan for the afternoon so I know exactly what I'm doing…you know, aside from getting distracted with puppy time and getting sucked into my phone to distract myself from real life.

I got unreasonably sad yesterday because I was watching Highly Questionable and I realized how little I follow sports anymore. Again with not having enough hours in a day. Or maybe I'm not prioritizing where I need to and there is actually a way to stay on top of everything that I want to. Maybe I should just stop sleeping altogether?!?

I want to go back to school, but at least I am waiting until after the wedding to execute that plan. I need a degree in something if I want to move into a non-retail position. And I want to learn ASL, which they offer courses in at the RI School for the Deaf. Again, after the wedding.

Oh, and horse show season officially starts this week. Westbrook is Thursday through Sunday, and I will be braiding again this year, although I don't really know how much yet. At the moment I have next to no motivation, but once the money starts rolling in we'll see how I feel. This is the first time in a long time that I don't really have plans for the extra income, it is just going to my savings. It is a nice feeling to know that it is truly "extra," but there is no drive to hit a particular goal by a certain date, which is odd for me.

Right, and I still need to get CPR certified, which I am now hoping to do in May (if the class doesn't get cancelled the way it seems to EVERY time I sign up). Then I'll insure myself to teach, but there's no point in having insurance if I don't have all the qualifications I need to get hired somewhere.

Josh is home tonight and off the next three days, so more than likely he'll be getting a "honey-do list." Top priority being to keep me somewhat sane and get me back to a functioning level. I wish him the best of luck, he's going to need it.

<3 Amanda :)

This week was a complete wash, as they say. For all that I got done last week, I was as useless as tits on a bull this week. I lost my wallet on Monday (I still swear it's at the PT office somewhere, as that's the last place I had it and it is the only thing that makes sense). Fortunately, nothing awful came of it…not one attempted transaction on any of my missing cards. I thank God for that, but I'm still bummed about the $80 that I had in there, especially since I never carry cash in my wallet. I had literally just put that in there a day or two before. Not to mention I really liked that wallet and I don't want to have to find a new one. Wahhhhhhhhh.

Okay, I've cried my tears, I've wasted a day off replacing my entire wallet life, and now onto better things. What doesn't kill us makes for an exhausted platitude.

I did go to Zumba Tuesday morning in addition to my regular Wednesday and Thursday night classes. I love my Mary time, and I don't get nearly enough of it. Tuesday's CPR class was cancelled and rescheduled for this Tuesday, which is Josh's birthday. I'm upset about the cancellation because we both have the day off Tuesday and at some point Josh has to take priority so I'm not going to the make-up class. I guess I'll have to catch it next month. Also Thursday's jam session dissolved as I had subconsciously known it would. But Bethany and Krystal still came to the studio early and we got to play a little before class. Not to mention I stayed late both Wednesday and Thursday nights to work on new songs, so I'm still getting my fix. No one is going to rain on my Zumba parade.

Friday night was Ann Saldi's Hip to Strip™ class in East Providence. I met Taco, Rich, and Noel there and we had the best time!!!! I was laughing too hard to feel any kind of sexy, but I did leave with a confidence boost and a smile that no one could wipe off. I absolutely ADORE my Zumba family. And we're borrowing Ann's choreo for two of the songs from that class, so I know whenever we do them I will try to channel all of her fabulous flair. If only I could capture 12% I'd be in good shape.

Saturday after work I had some outside puppy time and did a bit of housework, then picked Taco up and went to a Zumbathon fundraiser in Newport. WHAT AN AMAZING EXPERIENCE!!! I presented two songs, leading a group of almost complete strangers for the first time and I could not believe how comfortable I felt up there. I was facing the crowd for the first time, and I loved every second of it (except for when I dropped my phone before I even got started and had to wait for it to restart because the battery fell out). I ran into an old acquaintance who I was so happy to see, and I made some great new friends. Everyone's energy was electric and the Zumba love swallowed us all whole.

Today Josh is off so when I get home from work I'm sure we'll have some puppy time and dinner, but I'm also hoping to get something (anything!) wedding related accomplished. We're so close I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, but damn, this is a long tunnel. We did order Josh's suit this week (custom made from Indochino for 50% off, thank you Uncle Tony!) so maybe today I'll make him look at rings. I think now that he is being forced to ring shop he understands why I wanted something plain and simple (or really, nothing at all but he said that wasn't an option).

I guess that's all for today. Until next time…

<3 Amanda :)

This week simultaneously dragged and flew by. I can't even believe all the things that transpired in seven days. One week closer to the wedding and what have I got to show for it?

Quite a bit, actually.

My most recent project is as finished as it is getting for now. It will need a bit of tweaking closer to the reception, but right now it just needs patience. This is starting to be a common theme, as I have finished a lot of the things that I can do this far in advance. It is somehow MORE stressful to look at a list and not be able to do anything than it is to have a bunch of things to do. I may need all hands on deck the week before the reception if I want to sleep at all (spoiler alert: I do. I want to sleep a lot).

I had my first PT appointment last week and in a nutshell, I have to relearn how to walk and stand, but this time with proper body alignment. A 33 year-old habit is a hard one to break, but I am determined, and honestly I do already see and feel a difference. This is, as expected, an expensive venture, because I'm buying new shoes and insoles to accommodate my new arches. However, the physical therapist said once weekly appointments should be sufficient since I can do my exercises at home. A penny saved is a penny I'll probably spend at the wedding anyway. Haha.

Zumba is, as usual, terrific. It continues to be my break from the real world and I have been learning about 2 new choreos a week, so I'm making real progress towards being able to teach my own class. I am getting CPR certified this Tuesday, 4/10, so aside from insuring myself (which I am hoping to do in May), I am ready for the spotlight! ;) I am also super looking forward to a mini jam session I have this week with a couple girls from my instructor training. The feeling of being able to share yourself through choreo and see what they have come up with in the past month is electric. I love it so much!!!!

Now, if I could only stop eating all this leftover Easter candy I would be in good shape. A girl can dream, right?!?

<3 Amanda :)

Sometimes I feel like I'm a wild tiger, trapped in a man's body, dressed in sheep's clothing…

But haayyyyyyyyy,

At least this blog is free.

Just as I expected, this blog has fallen by the wayside. Eek. Fortunately at this point you're not really missing anything. We're six months out, which I absolutely cannot believe. Time is flying. All of the major pieces are in place, so now we are working on finishing touches.

My DIY projects are coming along nicely, and aside from wedding planning, life has been as hectic as ever. Hence the absence. I don't even know where we stood last time as far as travel plans, but my officiant and photographer both have all their travel and lodging needs booked and paid for, so that is a huge relief. We applied and paid for our marriage license (using a third party service in FL to save us a trip to the city hall) so that is yet another item off the list. Yay! Oh, and I had my second dress fitting, which went well. The funny thing about all this is that when the wedding is over, I'm afraid going to feel lost without constantly having to worry about something. Haha. I'm sure I'll find something else to keep myself busy…I always do.

I have been devoting a fair amount of time to Zumba and creating/practicing choreo. I did finally make it to an orthopedic doctor, who I adore. She adjusted my hips because they were out of alignment and is sending me to physical therapy (Cool! Another thing to add to my schedule!) for the next 4-6 weeks. I'm clear to work out as long as I pay close attention to my body and don't overdo it. As if that's not good enough, she said I should be pain free in about 12 months. (!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Considering I've been in pain for almost 20 years, one is a drop in the bucket.

This afternoon's most daunting task, because I know you're dying to find out, is putting away my weight in laundry. Woohoo! At least I can listen to Zumba music while I work (and occasionally break out in dance). I should probably vacuum and mop the floors, too. Oh, I know. Such a glamorous Saturday afternoon. Your jealousy is palpable.

And on that note, BYEEEEEEE!

<3 Amanda :)

I tried to post an update yesterday but the site timed out on me just in time for me to hit submit. Needless to say my patience ran a little thin and I didn't feel like trying to remember exactly what I wrote so I abandoned ship.

This past week has been a little crazy, but in a good way. Well, mostly. Let's get the sad, horrific, awful, depressing news right out of the way. I nearly drowned my planner yesterday. I threw a bunch of stuff from my car into a grocery bag to carry it into the house, and now I know the lid on my Nalgene was not screwed on all the way. I had a lot of wedding notes in there, which are crinkly but salvaged, but I am devastated that for once in my life I have been religious about using a damn planner and then I go and wreck it. I may still use it once it fully dries, maybe I could use it as a reminder to never give up (even if someone tries to drown me).

Okay, in MUCH happier news, I am officially a licensed Zumba instructor(!!!!!) I went to an all-day training on Saturday and I will admit that I am a little overwhelmed with all the new information and material available to me. I am beyond excited for this new opportunity but first I need to take a step back and make plans for both three and six months. Having goals to work towards will help me organize my thoughts and actions. My first goal, for now, is to get to an orthopedic doctor and make sure my leg is 100%. It is getting better every day and does appear to be muscular, but given all the trouble I've had with my kneecap in the past it can't hurt to be sure.

I also turned 33 last week, which means it's my Larry Bird year. What does this mean, for the non-sports fans out there? I am already planning to work my ass off to be my best self this year, but now I get to be an elitist jerk while doing so! Haha. Don't worry, it's only temporary…next year I will be a selfless team player and a beloved household name when I turn Paul Pierce.

I think that covers it for today. If we end up getting this damn blizzard tomorrow and I'm stuck inside, I should make some headway on my wedding projects. I've certainly got enough to keep me busy.

Until next time,

<3 Amanda

First of all, let's acknowledge my second entry in three days.

Secondly, stop reading this for a minute and do a few stretches. Nothing crazy, you don't need to go all cirque de soleil on me. Just a little bit here and there.

Oh, hey! Welcome back. Even if you don't feel better, I'll never know because there's nowhere to comment on this blog. So I'll assume you're smiling and not cursing me (this is assuming I've assumed that you actually took a stretch break).

Here's what I'm getting at: I think my previously mentioned leg issue was caused by muscle tightness. My IT band was really bothering me, but then my hamstring joined the party as well. I'm still waiting on an ortho appt, so I've taken matters temporarily into my own hands and have been stretching rather aggressively the past week or so. Between that, heat, massage, Epsom salt soaks, and a heavy sprinkle of whining, I am starting to feel like myself again. Not my best self, but I'll get there. All of this started when I danced 5 days a week for two weeks straight with little more than the stretching we do in our cool down song (which is, relatively speaking, minimal). There is no denying I did this to myself.

I am not one of those brides-to-be who is "sweating for the wedding" or whatever other ridiculous phrase these women use to squeeze their bodies into dresses that are heinously uncomfortable but "totes adorbs"

...sorry, I had to pause and vomit a little...

I am a woman with a mental illness (or two) who knows she feels better when she eats a healthy diet and works out. I don't love how I feel on medication, so I try to manage my anxiety and depression with self-care. I am so grateful to have found what works for me, and I'm always open to new experiments.

If what you're doing isn't working, try something different! Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

Here's where I land my plane. In the next seven months I will be relentless in my journey to be my healthiest self, both mentally and physically. I will not let the wedding stress that everyone warns me about take me down. If anyone wants to come along for the ride, you know how to find me. Let's do this together. 

<3 Amanda :)

Our STDs, that is. Maybe we should have wrapped them up? But who puts a postcard in an envelope?

On March 1st I somewhat anxiously put forty some-odd pieces in the mailbox and today I got confirmation from my sister that hers arrived.

Shit just got real.

I am as excited as ever for this wedding, and I have a newfound drive to work on my little projects. Maybe it was the week I had to take off from working out, or maybe I just got sick of looking at the same to-do list over and over. I made our card box on Wednesday with the help of my RI mom, which lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. Tonight I will stamp our favor tags, and probably drink a lot of wine. Today was one of the craziest days I've ever had at work, and I need a red wine chill pill.

For now I'm off to put groceries away (yup, I went grocery shopping on Sat the 3rd!?!?) and enjoy some much needed yoga before dinner. 

Later, taters!

<3 Amanda :)

...but do they have to be consecutive? Haha. Maybe I should just pop in here each day for a week and say hello, tell a bad joke, and call it a day.

Anyway, not much new on the wedding front. One of our experiments from last week tested very well and we are happy about that. We are continually firming up ideas that we have for both the ceremony and the reception, and it feels good to see things taking shape. Thank goodness we only have to plan a wedding once because I would go crazy having to make this many decisions all over again.

Today is rainy and dreary, so since I'm stuck in the house I may as well be productive. A little cleaning, a little puppy time, and a little wedding work. I'm going damn near out of my mind because I haven't been able to work out since Thursday...my knee is SERIOUSLY angry and I don't know what else to do but rest and hope it resolves itself.

Until next time, my pretties...

<3 Amanda :)

Every blog I've ever attempted has failed.

There. I've set the bar good and low.

Today we had the day off and made strides hammering out some details. Our save the dates are almost ready to go (of course by the time you read this you should have one already) and we tested out a few ideas we had for decor.

My head is literally about to explode with wedding thoughts, and I have zumba in less than an hour, so I'll keep this short and sweet.

I will do my best to keep this thing running from now through October, particularly so those who will not be joining us in FL can still vacation vicariously through us.

Also, perhaps if I use this blog to hold myself accountable, I will stop horribly procrastinating the projects I am supposed to be working on. 

Wish me luck!

<3 Amanda :)